Jessie freakin’ Baker.
Shits about to get REAL.
I met Jessie in the most awkward, intimidating and competitive situation – on a television show called…. The Bachelor.
Jessie was the only person on set who I felt comfortable being 100% myself, vulnerable, goofy and upset in front of. In a situation where you’re unsure of anyones true intentions and you’re so far removed from your REAL reality, it’s beyond difficult to know when people are being genuine, except with her.
She felt like family.
I remember the exact moment she and I became more than just two gals competing on a show, the moment when we became soulsies. We were laying on the couch in Costa Rica talking about real life. We forgot (frankly, at this point we just didn’t care) that we had microphones on. We talked about the people we left at home, irreversible illnesses, insecurities, fears, dreams… we talked about life. We laughed, we cried, we sat in silence and felt comfortable sharing the deepest corners of our minds. That is an insane place to get with someone, let alone someone you’re supposed to be “competing” with. There were moments on set where I would crumble and she was the only one who truly cared about building me back up. She was my rock.
I am 100% convinced that Jessie is an angel sent from the Universe to make the world a better place. She has lived an insane life (she’s provided some insane details in the interview below) and isn’t afraid to share it.
Jess has become so in tune with herself, her purpose and the love of spreading positive energy.
When you have some spare time, check out her website. www.jjessiebaker.com
Read her diary, shoot her a message, get your angel cards read. But for now, I give you the pleasure of diving deep into the mind of a true angel.
Introducing, Jessie Baker:
Where do you currently reside?
What is the one thing that always makes you smile?
Life is so busy sometimes and when you’ve lived in a small town of only 1,200 people your whole life and then move to a city or 800,000 you begin to notice just how hectic life becomes. Sometimes when you’re so use to the comforts of small; the thought of anything Big is scary. When those days come and I find myself in the darkness, I think of being at the lake and in my happy place. The lake has always made me smile, whether I’m there or merely just thinking about it.
What’s your go-to work out song?
Ou.. that’s a tricky one. You know me and how obsessed I am with working out, but it depends on how I am feeling that day and what my workout will consist of. Do I need to be motivated? Am I happy? Am I sad? I usually listen to Nelly, he puts me in a good vibe that keeps me going. Oddly enough, however, I usually start my workouts with the song Yours by Russell Dickerson. It’s actually a love song, commonly used for weddings. But there’s something about the words that I connect with and it always motivates me in general to be passionate and grateful and that sets my workout up for success.
Nelly- The fix, hot in here, grillz
Russell Dickerson- Yours
For some reason I am attracted to the colour orange- it’s in between too bright and too dull to just be such a beautiful colour. If you looked at my wardrobe you’d assume my favourite colour is black. Black all day, everyday. But who doesn’t wear black?
What is your favorite place to escape?
The majestic forest. Pipestone Lakes finest hidden gem. Located deep in the forest, where it cannot be seen by tourists on the water. You will never experience the majestic forest unless someone that knows it exists takes you there. It’s so open, yet so closed. It’s a space where I just go to when I’m having a hard time processing my emotions or feelings and breathe. The air is so fresh and the space is so forgiving. That forest has heard most, if not all, my darkest secrets.
What’s one thing in your life that make you feel weak?
Ever since I was a kid I struggled trying to express my emotions and feelings and I never really like being comforted. The older I get the more I realize that it was not that I didn’t LIKE being comforted, it was that I learned being vulnerable made you look weak. When my brother became addicted at the age of 15 (I was 9 at the time) I learned to be independent in regards to emotions. My mom was always so weak. I guess I shouldn’t say weak, she was sensitive and struggled a lot with my brothers addiction. Everyday was a battle, I’d watch her argue with my dad and then get into heated arguments with my brother where he would demand money for drugs and threaten her. When you are 9 years old and all you can see around you is sadness you learn to act strong so that you aren’t just another burden to take care of. Shedding tears in my family was ultimate weakness, but boy did my mom cry. She cried everyday and I became very hostile to ever having those feelings. If I’m being 100% honest, I thought my mom was weak and I didn’t want others to think I was weak too. My defence mechanism my whole life is when emotions become too real and I can feel my weakness evolving in public, I use humour. I’ve always been the centre of attention “Funny girl” because I would literally make everything that happened in my family into a joke. What else are you suppose to do when you get off the bus in the 4th grade and your brother has his hands wrapped around your dads neck and all you can hear in the background is sirens and all you can see is the kids on the bus staring. You laugh. You get up on the electric box and chant “jerry jerry jerry” cause it distracts from the horrifying truth that your family is in absolute shambles.
Since being on the show and for once facing my inner demons, I’ve come to realize that crying and vulnerability is anything but weakness. It’s power and what a POWERFUL message it sends when we encourage others to embrace their vulnerabilities. It is almost mind boggling to think that I wouldn’t even be sitting here telling my story today without women like you in my life. It makes all the difference overcoming fears and “weakness” when you have people supporting you, encouraging you, and simply just loving YOU. ***So before I continue – Thank you, Lyndsey. For always being there. You are a true friend and have always accepted me, even in my moments of weakness.
If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?
I’ve experienced a fair amount of living in my 25 years here on earth and as much as my mind wanders to the possibilities of this question as to where I would travel next or what I would do, I think it’s simple for me. I would write a story. When my time comes to go on and given the chance to have fair warning, I would want to write my story on my last day. I choose this because I want my story to continue, not in a selfish sense, but maybe one day someone reads my story and learns something. Perhaps someone has found their dark days and needs help seeing the light and by reading my story would understand that life DOES GET BETTER. Life is 100% what you make it, but sometimes it seems too hard to come back from the dark and those people just need to know others have done it and continue to do it. You are never alone.
So I’d write the story of me: find yourself amongst the darkness.
Who is the one person on Earth that knows you the best?
This is actually one of the most difficult questions I’ve ever been asked. I’ve always felt NO ONE really knows me best because I have never really shown who I am. My mom knows everything about me and I’ve always had a close enough bond to tell her about my life, even the parts I’m not necessarily proud of. But just because someone knows everything about you, they don’t necessary know you BEST or what’s best for you (as a lot of moms feel they do).
I am going to say that I truly believe my dad knows me best. My dad and I are very similar, we both have rebelled, our personalities are very similar, and as his affection grew over the last 5 years so has mine. My dad may not completely understand some of the things I do, or why I’m such a wandering soul; but he never questions me and always supports me. Without even saying anything, I know exactly what my dad is feeling and I think it is the same way for him in regards to my emotions.
What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?
Where to begin…. lol. No I’m just kidding. I’m not 100% confident in my body since doing the show- the cereal really got the best of me. I’m gunna go with my eyes. I’ve always believed eyes tell a lot about a person and good eye contact tells more. Brown eyes are bold and don’t send a mix messaged cause they are simply just that, brown. I like to think they are just as real as am I… which as you know can be all TOO REAL at times.
What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?
My loyalty. I protect the ones I care about because I am such an independent and strong person. Shutting your emotions off for years allows you to have more space for others. I’ve always been that sense of structure for most of my friends and family. I respect that about myself. But have teetered a line of having that space abused by others.
Loyalty is sacrifice at times and if there’s anything I was consistent with throughout my life it’s just that; sacrificing.
Have you ever been in love? How many times?
Love. The more I’ve explored the meaning of love and true love over the past few months I have come to realize it’s much more than I imagined it was in my past relationships. Having said that.. have I been in love? Yes. Twice. Have I found TRUE LOVE in a partnership? No.
I do believe I have found true love in friendship. That’s the beauty of the show, as the production team waits for an epic love story to unfold between the bachelor and the girl of his choosing, in the background the real love story is evolving among all of us. At times becoming frustrated with each other and saying things we don’t necessary mean all the time or having words taken out of context, true love prevails and now here we are. All so obsessed with each other and inspiring one another.
What’s something you’ve never done, but always wanted to?
Bungee jump. As simple as it sounds, I’ve always sought adventure and risks and to fully plunge into the unknown is an experience I know I’m missing in my life.
What was the last thing that made you cry?
I cry ALL THE TIME now. I’ve gone so soft. Lol The last thing that made me cry was a message from my mom that said this:
“You can overcome anything Jess. You have the opportunity for an incredible life. Go get it Honey! I know you can do anything you want…because you “are the boss of yourself” and nobody is going to stand in your way! It’s OK to lean on the people who love you and care about you. We all need someone to get us through tough times. To encourage us when we fail or to praise us when we succeed. Dad and I are here for you. I am your #1 fan!!!
God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl and I am so incredibly grateful. ️ ”
Here I go again. I just cried again reading it.
What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Legal or illegal? Cause this question could go two totally different ways. Lol
I literally do crazy things all the time and my parents are never surprised to hear what is up my sleeve next.
The craziest thing I’ve EVER done though I think was going on The Bachelor Canada and bearing all of me and opening my heart to complete strangers and all of Canada…… Crazy, yes. Worth it, still yes.
What’s your favorite joke?
The Bachelor-wet only because it’s perverted and I still think it’s so funny chris didn’t laugh. RED FLAG.
(on the Bachelor, I told a very inappropriate joke when I first met Chris. It obviously got cut…)
What gives your life meaning?
I wake up every morning knowing I have a purpose. Whether it be for the day, for the month or for the year. There is a reason I am here and I just wait for the signs to show me what that is.
I’ll let you in on one of my realist stories and you can take from it what you want:
In grade 9 I struggled with finding my direction. I was lost in transition from being rejected from the hockey team (the sport I love) and having to learn to associate with new people. It may not seem traumatic to most, but it was. I spiralled and found myself in a group of people parents don’t want their 14 year old daughter hanging out with. Drugs. Sex. Violence. It was all very real. My life went on like that for over a year until I hit rock bottom and couldn’t deal with the disappointments I had created in my family and the dark days really just outweighed the sunny ones.
I was 15 when I tried to commit suicide. In an attempt to just empty the burdens I carried around for 5 years of the wrongs I had done and the work it would take to redefine myself was honestly too much. When I woke up that day, I just told myself it would be better for everyone else if I just wasn’t around. How could I disappoint my parents more than I already had if I just was gone?
I took every pill I could find in my brothers room, everything I could find from my grandpas heart medication, and then just laid in the basement on the couch. Higher than a kite and out to lunch. Everything became a blur after that.
When I woke up at the hospital I knew I wasn’t successful and that the disappointment continued. It took me YEARS to come back from that and to recreate myself and my motivation was just that- I am here for a reason and I just need to pay attention to the signs and they will guide me on a path to what gives meaning to my life.
What inspires you to be better?
People, multiple people. I’m constantly surrounding myself by powerful and motivating people that are daily examples of true inspiration. I learn from people, I socialize. Everyone has a story to tell and their stories are what inspire me to share mine and to continue to write mine.
There are two types of people in the world… what are those two types?
People who are living
I’m a firm believer that when you’re being true to yourself and being REAL you are living. You may not be exactly where you want in life or have what you want, but you are constantly working on having that. Everyday you’re motivating yourself, you’re giving back, you’re inspiring. Its as easy as smiling at a stranger -that action alone can simply be what they needed in their day to feel inspired. Listen to your heart and your body and take action. That’s living.
- People who are going through the motions of living – these are the people who feel stuck. Transitioning from one phase of their life to another. The fearful ones. The unmotivated.
These are not bad people, these are lost people. We have ALL been there, wondering where our life is going next, why it’s taking so long, or how to even get started to get to that next phase. Let’s be honest, it’s scary. I’m not happy in this 9-5 job, but I need the money so I have to do it. Sound familiar? That’s not living. You have to take chances to get rewards. It’s hard work, yes. But that’s what defines the two groups of people. Those willing to do the work to better themselves and their lives are LIVING, those who remain comfortable are the ones going through the motions of living and unfortunately will live just that a comfortable “ok” life.
As you get older, what are you becoming more afraid of?
I am not afraid of death; but I do fear time. I am afraid that I will run out of time before I accomplish everything I have set my mind too. I fear that my story will be interrupted before I have time to finish it. BUT, that also just means maybe my story ends exactly how it’s suppose. I have to trust in that. But it makes me more motivated to do things now, so that I don’t have to fear time.
What do you take for granted?
The luxury of doing nothing. Does that sound weird? I feel like the past 4 years of university when I spent my spare time sleeping between classes could have been spent preparing for where I am not now and I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed at times.
The luxury of doing nothing would have been nicer to enjoy at this stage in my life when I’m transition, rather when life was deciding on which $1 beer night to attend in college and sleeping till noon.
What makes a good life?
Good people. Surround yourself with people that inspire you. People that are not all the same as you, but different. Learn from others and diversity and grow together. Life is good when we are all working together. Happiness is crucial – chase a life that keeps you happy.
What advice would you give yourself 10 years ago?
10 years ago, I would have told myself the exact same thing I did. Life will get better, believe in that and keep fighting. Life is so worth living.
What are the top three things you want to accomplish before you die?
- Find my soulmate
- Build a successful business
- Make a difference in someone’s life
What is your favourite quote?
the magic that occurs,
when you give a person,
Just enough comfort,
To be themselves.” Atticus.