Recent events have had many scrutinizing, cheering, crying and clapping over my current relationship status. It’s f***ing weird to say the least.
There’s a lot to be said for what was seen on that last day and what was not.
This blog isn’t going to spill all (or any) of the secrets and what really happened (I’m not allowed to do that), but rather to give advice to any woman (or man) out there that KNOWS things aren’t right in a relationship and to those who might feel stuck in the eyes of fear.
I realized in a matter of hours that what I was feeling wasn’t true, pure, passionate love but rather infatuation and lust. I was falling in love with a perception of Mr. B I was falling for who I wanted him to be, not for who he truly was. Quite frankly, I still don’t know him at all and truth be told he doesn’t know me either. I was blinded by the bright lights of what COULD have been and forgot to focus on what I needed in a partnership. I was in a situation where I was fighting for the heart of a man who wasn’t doing the same for mine. I know love isn’t always going to be easy, but there’s no way in hell after a few months it should feel the way it did.
I’ve been in a similar situation before. I knew how hard it was going to be, but also how crucial it was to walk away from him. There was a lot more to my story and for those who can pick up on the subtle hints, I hope you pieced it together.
When you’re in love you’ll feel so chosen, so wanted and so safe. I have to admit, throughout the process I did feel wanted, Mr. B did a good job with that. He asked me about the house I wanted in Vancouver, where I wanted to travel first… what kind of ring I wanted… He asked all of the right questions, but there was something missing.
That last conversation we had, he could barely look me in the eyes. For someone you’re considering spending the rest of your life with, you’d hope they’d (at this point at least) look you straight in the eyes and tell you that they loved you. Instead, when I told him I loved him all he could muster up was “I don’t want this moment to end”.
So, even though I was supposed to be getting ready to confess my undying love for this man, I was getting ready to gracefully say fair-thee-well instead. I knew he’d been struggling for the past few weeks on who to choose and what love story he wanted to truly pursue and that’s totally okay, but when it came apparent that he wasn’t going to be the person that I wanted to spend the rest of MY life with, I had to make the decision to let him go.
In real life, it’s TOTALLY okay to not want to be with someone anymore. Hell, if you were dating a man and after a few months you told him you loved him, wrote a love song for him and made plans together but you couldn’t feel the love back, would you waltz up to him and dangle your left hand in front of him in hopes for a ring? HELL NO.
Just because others WANT you to love someone or be with someone, you absolutely have to look at the bigger picture. This is YOUR life. At the end of the day, the only one looking out for only you is you. Protect your heart. Stand up for yourself. Always.
Red flags become bulletin boards when you spend more time together.
So, if you’re in a situation where it’s unclear whether or not someone cares about you, loves you or wants to do what it takes to make it work, how do you go forward?
The thing that wasn’t on my side here was time. In the past, I’ve had time, unlimited conversations and the means to communicate whenever we so chose.
This was not the case in my last relationship. This was a “do or die” type scenario; one I wasn’t sure how to navigate. That all said, my intuition was telling me exactly what I needed to do – ladies I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – listen to your intuition. It ALWAYS knows what to do.
YOU have the right to choose. You have the right to find someone who is going to treat you like absolute gold and make you feel SO wanted. Life is too short to settle for anything less. If you’re in a relationship that isn’t working, take a step back and figure out why. If it’s fixable, talk it out and make a plan to fix it together. If deep down you know that the red flags are too much for you to move forward with confidence, take time to reflect and make the plan to move forward with and by yourself.
You only have one life to live, don’t you want to spend it in the arms of the person that makes you feel the most alive, wanted and chosen? He’s (or she’s) out there. Don’t settle for anything less than magic.
It’s also okay to choose to leave with a smile on your face. Sometimes relationships don’t work and that’s OKAY! I think it’s one of the most powerful moments to look someone in the eyes, thank them for everything, wish them well and leave on a high note. Just because you weren’t soul mates doesn’t mean you have to hate them or wish them ill will. People make mistakes; we’re all just trying our best.
So, it’s safe to say that I am still single (and happy) and navigating life one day at a time.
I’ll leave you with on super cheesy note, a beautiful quote from Papa G
“If you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be. If they don’t, hunt them down and beat them like a rented mule.”