Part X | Get Back On That Horse

I got off the plane and directly into the arms of Kelsey. She knew exactly what I needed in this moment of heartache: wine.

She and Nina revamped my old bedroom, they painted it, put up new artwork and organized it to look like a hotel room. I was happy to have a beautiful home and room to come home to, but part of me ached – I thought I was done with the chapter of living at my childhood bedroom. I had been on my own for a few years now, hell, I was across the continent on my own and now that I was back under the same roof as my parents I felt like a I had failed.

I house-sat for Nina the first week I was home. I can vividly remember the ache in my heart. It physically hurt so much that all I wanted to do was cuddle Rooney and cry in her comfy bed. I couldn’t watch any movies because it made me sick to see others falling in love after I had just lost it.

Being removed from the situation now, I’ve realized that time was the only thing that was going to heal me, but in those moments, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be the same.

I started thinking long and hard about what it was, exactly, that I wanted now.

I wanted to see the world.
I wanted to be happy.
I wanted new adventure and excitement.
But for now, all I wanted was to stop hurting.

 

I gave myself three weeks. Three weeks to mourn the life that was now deceased. Three weeks to let go of the fact that Mr.NYC was not, is not, and will never be my man. Three weeks to make a plan.

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In that three weeks, I spent time with my sisters, I hiked every damn day and I cuddled with Rooney every moment I could. I let myself be sad, I let myself drink a little bit too much wine and let my nutrition slip (but only momentarily). I gave myself three weeks, but after that I had to kick my ass back in gear.

•••

Kelsey knew I needed some inspiration to get past that last hurdle and start loving my life again. She decided to set me up on a date, but did it surprisingly sneakily. She invited two fantastic girls, Brooke and Kayla and one hunky ass man, we’ll call him Mr.Pilot, on a hike.

As soon as I got out of the car and saw him I looked at Kelsey with those eyes like “why didn’t you TELL me a BABE was going to be joining us”.

All three gals knew exactly what this was meant to be… a set up.

Mr.Pilot and I hit it off right away, he loved the outdoors and was an avid traveler (due to the fact that he was a PILOT for Air Canada). Damn.

He was such a sweetheart, he brought ciders and snacks on the hike and even extra sweaters in case we jumped in the lake (which of course we did).

We exchanged emails at the end of the hike (I hadn’t yet set up a phone number in Canada).

It felt nice to meet someone new. I’d only been home for two weeks at this point. I was still madly in love with Mr.NYC, but maybe this is exactly what I needed. A distraction?

We emailed back and forth a few times and decided to tackle an overnight hike up to St.Mark’s Summit. Quite the first date idea!

It was perfect. He was such a gentleman, he was so kind and a great listener. We talked about New York, what had happened, what my plan was now and what I wanted out of life. He told me about how he’d pursued his dream of becoming a pilot from a very young age and was one of the youngest in the force. We were doing all of this whilst huffing huge backpacks up the side of a mountain to get to the summit.

As we were setting up camp, the sun was beginning to set…

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As the sun set, the sky began to light up with sparkles and shooting stars. We cracked open a bottle of red wine and created a couch-type comfy space with the side of a rock face and sleeping bags. He taught me about the North star and showed me the different constellations.

We kissed, and as perfect as I wanted it to be, it felt wrong. I just wasn’t ready, for any of it. He was such a gem, we cuddled to stay warm all night and woke up to coffee, granola with yogurt and chipmunks scrounging for any leftovers.

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It felt really good to go on that date with Mr.Pilot, to know (even though this sounds silly) that there are other men out there. Of course people will tell you “there are plenty of fish in the sea” but when you’re heartbroken you only want one specific fish.

I knew that when the time was right, I would be able to effortlessly fall in love again.

We continued to email back and forth, but nothing ever blossomed. He understood perfectly that I wasn’t ready for him. He was in a place where he was looking for someone to share his life with and I was looking to find myself again.

Even though it didn’t work out, I’ll always look back on it and smile knowing I experienced the BEST first date, ever.

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