Part IX | “Don’t Cry”, he said.

So, the time had finally come it was time to leave the city I’d called home for two years.

I packed up my two suitcases, donated what didn’t fit and got myself ready to leave. I couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown by. Looking back at this point hurt, there were a few small, yet crucial moments that led to the demise of my New York life. It was all meant to happen though.

I called a car service to pick me up on the morning of my departure. Mr.NYC worked from home that day. I assumed he did this as a final parting gift of sorts, so he could come with me to the airport and see me off. I was wrong.

I knew we’d had a rough last few weeks, but it wasn’t always like that. Hell, it was fucking perfect for most of our time together. For the most part, our relationship was exactly what I’d imagined my perfect relationship to be. We supported each other in so many aspects of our lives.  There are so many parts of him that I need and look for in a partner. Mr.NYC and I always knew how to have fun and enjoy every moment, I adored his parents, my family loved him and so many parts of us fit together perfectly. I suppose the few things that weren’t perfect though were some of the most important.

•••

The phone rang. The car was here. It was time.

Mr.NYC assisted me with bringing my two suitcases to the car. He gave me one last quick hug and said “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Don’t cry. Goodbye, Lynds.”

That was it. I was in shock at how impersonal and cold it all felt. At this point I could feel my heart sinking and my face burning up. I could physically feel my heart breaking, it was agonizing. There were no words. The emotions flowed through my tears.

I couldn’t breathe. Life as I knew it was over. Mr. NYC was getting smaller as the car drove away and my breaths were becoming shorter and shorter.  This was an ugly, hiccup cry (one so bad the driver had to narrow my destination through a sobby- nod only questionnaire).  I thought this would be easier– he’d broken my heart, and now it was time for a new chapter. In the back of my mind I had known this was coming for quite some time –  I knew (for about the past month now) that Mr. NYC was not the man I was meant to marry. That wasn’t always the case though, when I fell for him I fell hard.

Sitting in the back seat, alone, I was more broken and lost than I had ever been.  I tried talking to the driver (as he had still not made out which airport we were destined for “La- ‘wail’- guar – ‘sniffle’ -di – ‘sob’- a”… Anyways, you get the picture. I was a mess. This was it, the love, the life, the job, everything, it was all over.  What to do in a situation this dire? Call Kelsey.  She answered (while in a class at University) and had to quickly exit the room, all she heard was whimpers and wallows, she knew exactly what was going on.

“Deed? Deed listen to me. This is as bad as it’s going to get. In this exact moment right here, right now. I promise you Deed. If you can get through these next couple moments, it will only get better from here on out. Get through it. Breathe. This is as bad as it is going to be”.  

Her words soothed me and I finally caught my breath.

In that moment, I felt like my world was imploding. My mom had always told me that time heals all and I kept trying to remind myself, but fuck was it difficult. It’s okay to be devastated, it’s okay to cry, to hurt and to not be okay; but know that time will heal you. In order to truly love, you must be open to such devastation. It’s a beautiful thing, really, to love someone so much that you give them the power to absolutely destroy you. That said, next time around I am going to be so careful to whom I give this much of myself to. Sure, it’s beautiful to give someone the power to break you, but it’s even more beautiful to know they never will.

I arrived at the airport, stuffy, red and exhausted from crying. Mr.NYC had given me a letter right before I got into the car, when I got myself through security and customs I decided to read it. I started crying again opening the letter but immediately stopped when I saw it had been typed on a computer.

I couldn’t believe my what I was reading. Was this a reference letter? The letter started with the utmost professionalism:

Dear Lyndsey,

I hope you know how I’ve enjoyed your company over the last couple of years. You are gregarious, optimistic and full of life…

My jaw dropped in awe. This had to be some sort of sick joke? The letter rambled on a few more meaningless sentences before the last.

“I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, you deserve all the great things this world has to offer.

Yours,
Mr.NYC.

(Don’t worry, he DID sign the bottom of the letter in pen to give it a personal touch).

I couldn’t let myself cry anymore. I was on my way HOME. Back to Vancouver to start fresh.

I had to be thankful for what had been, for the good times that were had and for the lessons that I learned along the way.

You know, I hadn’t really been single all that long before I met Mr. NYC, just a few months, really. Before that, I had been with my high-school boyfriend for 4 years.

It was time for me to figure out what I really wanted in life. I needed to figure out How to be single and happy. I had either been happy and in a relationship or where I was now, single and so upset. Time to find Lyndsey again. Time for a new adventure, a new chapter.

 

 

 

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