Part III : Mr. Broadway – Don’t hold hands on a first date.

If you read the post “The Excel Sheet” you would have read a little bit about Mr. Broadway. We first met on the subway: It was a very chilly February morning, I was heading to work. I grabbed the newspaper from the local kiosk and ran down the subway stairs. It’s grossly sticky and warm down there which is super annoying when you have twenty layers on.

I grabbed a seat on and started reading the horoscopes (I’m not even that into star signs but it’s my favorite part of the paper). I could feel someone’s eyes on me and when I looked up from the destiny I was reading there he was: Mr. Broadway. He was handsome, very tall, great teeth. I gave him my side smile and continued reading.

Tip: If you ever want to get a guy’s attention, make eye contact, smile, then look away. DO NOT look at him again, but continue smiling to yourself. This will drive him crazy and he will have to ask you what your name is. Works like a charm every time.

Mr. Broadway got off on the same stop as me and ran after me.

“I’m sorry, I never do this but you’re magnetic. What’s your name?”

I laughed, told him my name and told him I was running a tad late for work. I told him that I don’t give my number out but that I would take his and shoot him a text later. He happily obliged.

A few hours later I was thinking about him and thought I’d send him a message. Somehow in the hustle between the office and 27th street I’d lost his number. Oh well, easy come easy go.

Fast forward a few days, I was heading home after a dinner with Miss. Andrea Grant. I was on a completely different subway at a completely different time. As I jumped on the train, who other than Mr. Broadway was right there. I actually remembered his name too which never happens. I told him that I’d lost his number an that he could have my email, he laughed and took it. I was pretty sure that I had been such a weirdo and I’d never hear from him.

Mere hours later I received an email from him:

To: Miss Lyndsey May
From: Mr. Broadway

Lyndsey: This doesn’t just happen. I’m a believer in higher powers and fate and I know that seeing you again was just that. Let’s meet on purpose. You choose the time and the place and I’ll be there.

Mr. Broadway

To: Mr. Broadway
From: Miss Lyndsey May

Heya Mr. Broadway,

Yea! How funny was that…
Let’s grab coffee on Saturday, there’s a great little place in SoHo, Ground Support. See ya there around noon?


So, we had coffee. It was great actually. I mean, he was overly enthusiastic but I blamed that on the excitement from the double meet in the subway. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and was hoping he’d calm down by the 2nd date.

A few days later we met again, this time for dinner. This is where shit gets weird. I met him on the street and he went in for the kill: a huge ass kiss. I’m not talking a modest peck on the lips, no. I’m talking a full on sucking my lower lip wet kiss. I was super taken aback. What the actual fuck. Weird.

We walked into the restaurant and he HELD MY HAND. I’m sorry but you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it if you’re in love and you want to walk hand in hand. I actually think it’s super romantic and a great way of publicly showing your affection… but not on the first real date.

We sat down at one of those tables that had a bench on one side and a chair on the other. I took the bench (it was cushiony and looked more inviting than the chair) he sat… BESIDE me. I knew I had to get this date over with and get out of there. He kept trying to nibble on my ear and was whispering to me about how beautiful I was and here’s the cherry: I left to the washroom and when I came back he was on Skype with his mom wanting to introduce me to her. I awkwardly waved at her through the tiny screen and introduced myself.

I’m not proud of this, but I ended up ghosting the guy. In my defense I did try telling him that I didn’t see a future for us. That I was here in New York for what I thought was only going to be a four month internship and that I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment. I told him we were maybe moving too fast and I wasn’t comfortable going on another date. He heard all of that as: Send me flowers to work, baby. Call me seven times a day and text me 20. If I don’t respond it’s probably because my phone is on silent so please send me a few emails throughout the day as well.

Needless to say that one didn’t work out so well. Live and learn.

One thought on “Part III : Mr. Broadway – Don’t hold hands on a first date.

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